As we approach Valentine’s Day, our stores seem to instantly convert from Christmas sales to Valentine’s Day specials. On this day, flower shop sales skyrocket, and stores see chocolate sales peak once again after the lull from Christmas. It feels like we’re trying, as a society, to cram all our lives into one day!
Valentine’s Day can quickly become like New Year’s Day: We make resolutions with great intentions, but they often fall to the wayside by February.
With Valentine’s Day, we can make the grand gesture on February 14th, but if we’re not intentional, those intentions can fade easily in the following days.
Relationships are like gardens: They must be nurtured, invested in, and cared for. If we don’t care for our gardens, they can quickly grow wild and overwhelmed with weeds, and the plants we want can easily die off. If we see our relationship as a one-day investment but don’t make the smaller daily investments, we’ll allow the ‘weeds’ of life to grow in our relationship.
Early in our marriage, I bought my wife flowers on Valentine’s Day… she told me never again when she figured out the cost! The benefit of this was that I started finding other times in the year to do things for her that show how I value and love her. I realized that this has been far more impactful. I often make more minor gestures, but they seem to fall at a time that has meaning for my wife rather than a prescribed day. I believe our marriage is healthier for this. We may still do something around Valentine’s Day, such as dinner, but we are not limited by a calendar date.
I think part of why I struggle with Valentine’s Day is how commercial it is and how we communicate that love should be expressed through material gifts. The model in scripture for loving our spouse is to sacrifice ourselves for the other’s well-being. This is a two-way relationship that, when honoured by both parties, can be very fulfilling. The Bible also has lots to say about love. Read through 1 Corinthians 13 and rediscover what it says about love – things such as love being patient, kind and enduring. Those things can only be nurtured intentionally in an ongoing way, not just a one-day celebration.
Perhaps as you read this, you find that your marriage is struggling. If you need someone to talk to, the Pastoral Staff are happy to have some conversations, and we also have people we can refer you to so you can reinvest in your marriage.
The challenge from this blog post is this: How can you invest in your relationship throughout the year? Some examples of investment could be spending time together, going out on dates, or intentionally dealing with challenges and struggles through conversations, journeying with other couples, marriage workshops, or counselling. I believe that when we nurture our relationships in our marriages, we honour God and grow as disciples as we practice what Jesus taught—to love one another.
Mike Engbers is the Lead Pastor at Parliament Community Church in Regina, SK, located near Harbour Landing. As a church, we offer programs for all ages, from children to youth, young adults to Seniors who are part of our Heritage groups. We are also diverse in cultural backgrounds but share a desire to grow as disciples of Christ together.